"Don't worry about a thing... cause Dolphin Boy is going to make every little thing alright!"
The break down of the camp is as follows:
CLASS :Swim prep
- Splish demo by Jim Carey, followed by proper open ocean swim ettique aka, "swim with Aloha". Guest speaker Okie Can Doo from Japan Ironman swim course, Bree's "groppy buddy"
- Overcoming fear of ocean marine life. Guest speaker "Dolphin Boy & Ace Ventura".
- 2.4 mile Ocean swim guided by "Snowflake", (Ace's pet dolphin) Rumor has it swimming with dolphins keeps away large marine predators.
- How to manage your buoyancy in salt water while not drinking half of Kailua Bay.
- Basic bike mechanics & operations of two wheel human-powered machinery (sign up early for this class, it will fill fast!) (sorry no Pink colored bikes will be allowed during this camp)
- Understanding difference between friction/tire rub & heavy leg feeling, followed by very quick presentation on changing tubulars with razor blades. (due to the inherent risk of razor blades around triathletes only certified personnel will be allowed to demonstrate)
- Proper placement & location of helmet, towel, shoes, sunglasses, gels, run bib, socks etc. (Note; sperm helmets are not allowed for obvious reasons!!)
- Identifying your bike in hectic T1/T2 location. Simple instructions & map with grid format will be provided. Optional GPS locater can be purchased on site, if you know where to look!
- Fun Role Playing session. You will be given name of athlete & you have to imitate them "lost in Transition" area!
- head out on Queen K Hwy towards Hawi. Wait for mother nature to open up a can of Whoop Ass then ride into it. No specials instructions here, just hold on Biooootch!
- Special session: how not to draft. How not to "lip off" at bike officials. How to communicate you want water and NOT coke while you fly through aide stations. How not to react to double flats with guest speaker "the Norminator"!
- Bike pit stops on Queen K. What NOT to eat at local gas stations. (Light pupu's provided by SPAM Corp of Hawaii)
- Mauna Kea downhill test ride. This is a technical course with many tight turns and the occasional snowfall. Only experienced athletes with knowledge of downhill crashes and roadrash allowed to participate. Photos of this experience will be available online for $45, 5x7 image. If this is too expensive perhaps one of your friends will buy them for you?
- Proper amount of baby powder allowed to puff-out in T2 area without painting your neighbors bike!
CLASS: The runs...!!
- What to do when your stomach is making more noise than your wet shoes slapping the pavement.
- How to take memorable photos of your beautiful bloody battered blistered feet after race.
- Where to place your visor in T2 as not to forget it when you start the run course
- How to act like you are doing fine in T2 with family & friends watching. Proper acknowledgment and verbal replies offered by someone named "Monster".
- Proper disposal, distribution or donation of old run/race shoes (save your laces for balloon ties in T2 area)
CLASS: Nutrition
- This class is already "full" (LOL)
- Smelly healthy food by local Big Island triathlete (waiver to be signed)
- Local M&M's representative from Oahu to demonstrate appropriate hand-full to mouth technique. (Large bags will be provided by Ross for Less)
- Ice-Cream demo provided by Hot Yoga instructor. Hurry this class will melt away.
- Toledo Coffee Queen to perk the perfect cup of Joe, followed by string cheese eating contest
- Salty Chips vs Unsalty Chips, how much is too much? Professor Cricket to speak
- Baked Ruffels or half-baked you decide? Demo by Dr. Mira
- How to eat one piece of Toblerlone chocolate by Bruce the Linguist
- Guinness for Strength...space is limited....Dolphin Boy swims in vat of Guinness
- Behavioral modification techniques
- Attitude adjustments, do I care?
- Psychological profiles
- LifeSport vs Life Support - with Coach Paul
- Spatial Disorientation - which way do I go?
Prices and Fees:
Camp will last one week or until participates get sick. Waiver of Liability to be signed. Extra waivers for special nutritional courses will be provided. All participants will receive Kamp Kona Survival T-Shirt along with goody bag provided by our sponsors. For a current list of Sponsors please visit Hershey Park PA. Accommodations provided by Kona Lava Tubes & Fields. Aloha Airlines official airline carrier of Kona Kamp. Cattering provided by Local Kine Grinds.
Early registration will receive free used Hawaii Ironman water bottles found on Queen K.
Deadline is Sept 31. (LOL!)
Swim Prep Class $1500.00usd plus tips
T1 & T2 (Disorientation) = $1500.00usd plus tips
Riding Classes = $2000.00 plus tips
The Runs = $2300 plus tips
Nutrition Class= $19.95
Special Classes = $Black American Express Card only$
Kona Kamp 2008, E Komo Mai, "If Can Can, if no Can no Can"!
12 comments:
Oh.. I am soooooooooo there.
Whoaaaaaaa those prices are pretty steep!!! :-)
Ha LOVE it...just the type of camp I am looking for....count me in:) GLAD to have your funnies back, I have missed em :)
WOW, I am impressed...you really soak in on our information when you read our blogs...
Keep the humor coming DB!!!
I haven't laughed this hard in a VERY long time!!! This could possibly be the BEST blog ever!
Kona Kamp 2008...priceless! Sign me up but don't drink all the Guinness before I get there!!!
Could you also include a speech or demo by a suitably qualified individual on how not to throw the cup of coke (which he was given when he asked for water) in the volunteer's face by the eventual Ironman male champion. (This actually happened according to my friends.)
On your previous post, I want to recant on what I said. When you get given those unpleasant jobs to do, just suck it up!
Count me in!!! Can I be a guest speaker? Or get in for free, I'll bring nutrition! I got a big stash hidden! ha ha, too funny...
Too funny! Sign me up for the swim prep class ASAP! If I can make it out of the water I can handle the rest :-) -dr. m
Can you sign me up for the Guinness class. I'm going to need some practice if I'm going to take Rachel in the Guinness beer mile the week after Kona.
You are too funny!
Do I get to be the Hot Yoga teacher?? Pleaaaaaaseeeeee....
Hey how is the job?? I haven't seen you yet working there, maybe this week!!
So your the infamous dolphin boy that keeps popping up on the the triathlon blogs. If I ever get to Hawaii you are a must visit. And the camp...you pegged all the indiosyncrocies of all our neuroticness. What are the dates?? We plan our races a year in advance you know.
Seems like you are busy these days and maybe you have less time to write your fantastic blog posts. Hope the new job is getting better. I am also busy, with work taking up most of the hours I am capable of doing it. Hopefully I'll get to bed earlier tonight as it has been hard getting up in the mornings for my swims. All the best.
Do I get a discount for offering up my m&m tips?
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